Grateful

Letter No. 3: Feeling grateful with what I have right now. Even though this numbness feels strange.

gratefulness

A gunshot rings out at the station
Another urchin snaps and
Left dead on his own
It makes me wonder why I’m still here
For some strange reason
It’s now feeling like my home
And I’m never gonna go

Dear friend,

Things are a lot better compared to last month. More like I am truly back, I can feel comfortable under my skin again. The unbearable ache in my heart has vanished, as my sense of empathy become more paralyzed and dead as the days passed by. Can uprightly object whenever I dislike or feel like refusing something and someone. I never enjoy school that much until the day I entered this last block of my second year. My current project(s) and subject(s) are truly breathtaking. I feel sincerely content and grateful with what I possess, regardless the flawed and thorny life I live. You see my friend, whenever I am happy, find it hard for me to write. Left me grinning paralyzingly on the inside out. It is not like I found a new friend or boyfriend. More like I realized who my true friends are. True friends whom I can trust and count on. The ones who are right by my side when I was incarcerated inside the bottomless Mariana Trench.

However, my friend, I encountered some strange new things. I absolutely not looking forward to my coming birthday, like I used to for the past twenty years I recall. Knowing that I do not have that many friends left, enjoying most of my time alone. Using my time efficiently merely for productive and positive activities. Since I am back to the real lone wolf me. At the same time, I found someone who has, say, the similar misfortune. As if two branches of winding road collides, lead us walking in the same pathway in the end. A guy, you see. He is not someone new. He is my close friend who shared the same most of my passion and interest.

Obviously, my friend, I start to have this tiny shred of fear that I might grow and have feelings for him.

Nevermind. Good night my friend. Just please do not take any account on tonight’s ridiculous story.


Lyrics are from Welcome to Paradise by Green Day.

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