The End

Lately I’ve been, I’ve been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But, baby I’ve been, I’ve been praying hard
Said no more counting dollars, we’ll be counting stars
Yeah, we’ll be counting stars


Perhaps my daydream had ended a long time ago, not today. Perhaps that you had died a long time ago, not today. But one thing for sure, today marked the day that I accepted that our crippled cinderella story had come to an absolute end.

I had finally ended my repudiation period.

It is funny when every time I recalled the days we spent together, both sadness and laughter we shared, and the secrets we both hold. Whereas, today you are merely somebody that I used to know.

Although my mind is always suffused with miscellaneous things, you and the memories we shared always have room to keep it vivid. I still cannot stop asking why my first love has to be you, amidst the abundant fishes in the ocean.

I should have known better during the days we first met, that you are no grace but crash.

A calamity.

A catastrophe.

Perhaps, God had already shown His omen, by the force He possessed. But what power do I have in the time I was helplessly blindfolded by love.

I always hate myself for repeating the same mistake.

I hate one-sided love. I hate heartbreaks. Nevertheless, I hate the most when I am the one who made my own heartbreaks, putting high expectations toward a person and thus imposing impossible feelings to grow.

I just cannot bear the pain.

Once is more than enough.

Today, again, I have accepted the fact.

It’s over.


Pondering about A.W.

Lyrics are from Counting Stars by OneRepublic.

Illustration is Tarot Card number thirteen from major arcana, Death.


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