An Excerpt From The Past

Dear future me,

I entered the classroom, sat down, opened my notebook and unzipped my pencil case. As usual. I could hear yet my ears hardly functioned to listen. I try to understand yet my brain has defected. I was alive yet I scarcely feel my heartbeat. I feel like crying on her lap who was sitting next to me yet my tear glands were droughty.

Stupid. Worthless. Scatterbrained. Those are the words that described me. Suffused in me. I made a fool of myself, I made people I care about disappointed–and distrusted of me.

I just…suck.

Every day passed, every breath was taken, and every step I took seemed very different. I still did precisely the same daily routine, except…being your ‘someone special’. All I did in the classroom was blaming myself for being this suck which made you left me. I wrote every song lyrics which elucidated and pictured my life condition, as often as possible, just to made my heart ease for the tiniest bit. And for those other time, all I could do was just…cry.

I had just awakened…by reality, but the candles were off yet it was freezing in here. I am right here in a colossal maze, finding no way out, intercepted with Cul-de-sac(s). With no judgment.

If there is really a way, I wish I could jump and travel to the future…to be you.

With sorrow,

Gia Isa

Winter 2012/2013

Note: Read the full story here


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